Category Archives: Teen

The Wrong League

School, it’s an interesting place isn’t it? A hell of a lot happens there, and mostly not all that meets the eye is discovered. For example, you might not know that that boy over there was actually smoking weed on the field yesterday. Oh and that girl there was caught with her hands down her best friends skirt! Best not tell her boyfriend though… Oh yes one hell of a lot can go on “behind the scenes” at school.

This story I’m going to tell you now, takes place in possibly the most common of common schools for common people in the middle of East London. Now before you run off, I’d best introduce the two main characters. James Rayburn, 15, recently switched schools as his parents bore the brunt of exploiting wealth. Private school in Westminster immediately changes to shoddy public school in Peckham. Let’s not deny it’ll be a challenge! James himself is a rather strapping young lad. He did rather enjoy dressing up smart in his school blazer in the morning, but now he’s got to get used to the cheap sweater and polo. He likes to keep himself in shape you could say. Avid rugby fan, which you can’t actually tell from his, let’s be honest posh disposition. Physically he’s in a different league compared to the others at his new school. Neat hairstyle, clean face, devilishly tall and handsome, and a polite charmer right the way through.

Now Billy Hudson…well he’s a chav.

No, let’s be fair, there’s a bit more background to him than that! Billy is one of the better students. Sure he may be loud-mouthed, violent, slobby, randy, cocky, noisy, irritating, thick-skinned and crude but at least his parents aren’t brother and sister. Ok, yes he’s a chav, but everyone bar James at this school is. You could tell that just by looking at him though. Wearing anything shiny anywhere he can, every single hair product on his head, unfairly well built and tanned, and I think there’s a tattoo hidden under that tracksuit jacket. You wouldn’t expect such a loud person to be anywhere near intelligent. You’d be wrong. He doesn’t like it much but he’s in top set for a lot of things, even though you can barely call it top… Teachers like to call his attitude “creatively loud”, which is a polite way of saying he likes to shout about sex.

We join Billy on a Monday morning in an English class with a new arrival.
“Sit down and shut up you lot!” That’s teaching for you in this place. And Miss Pollock was the nicest… “We’ve got a new kid starting today, so don’t give him grief or anything! His names James Rayburn and his parents have been having a tough time money-wise, so be nice!”
Most of the class seemed mesmerized at James to be honest; he was the first bloke anyone had ever seen without an earring for a start! He was also considerably taller and better looking than everyone else. He just stood smiling pleasantly as his new classmates gave him the once over. One girl (if we can call her that) took an immediate liking to him by pulling down her top slightly. She wasn’t the only one!
“He can come and sit next to me Miss!” Billy shouted; no one knew why. Now for the purpose of this story, I’m going to have to translate into Standard English as I can’t speak chav.
“Alright go and sit next to Billy, James.” At this point there were some disgruntled shouts of displeasure:
“Oh no; I cannot believe the new student gets to sit next to Billy!” one said. Ok maybe Standard English doesn’t work either… I’ll think of something…
So James got himself acquainted with his new position in English, next to Billy, on the right hand side, near the door. This should be comfortable…not.

But while James tried to be polite as ever in his new surroundings, Billy had other ideas. While the dreary Miss Pollock rambled about some Shakespeare, Billy was admiring his new peer. He’d best stand his ground while he can. I mean this guy could replace him as the fittest guy in the class! How could he survive knowing he wasn’t the guy everyone was looking at? What was he going to do? Well he has got a pretty face so he couldn’t punch it in. Maybe he could just suck the guy off then leave him crying.

Oh yeah forgot to mention, Billy’s gay. Not the most obvious thing in the world as he’s always shouting out about screwing some girl every day. But he’s just worried what everyone else will think, especially his friends. He’d probably get killed in seconds. But he really couldn’t help it; men were just so much fitter to him! And considering he had the sexual appetite of a rabbit on Viagra, he really couldn’t resist the upper-class fitness of James.

It was only then when he was looking at him for all this time and James turned round to look at him. Of course James had tried to dumb down him language for this school, and Billy had thought the same to try and impress him so that he didn’t think of him as some twat.
“Yeah?” was all James could manage without sounding like too much of a git
“Nothing” was all Billy could manage without sounding like too much of a git
So they both carried on listening to the lecture, with lots of intermittent disruptions. But Billy was being a lot quieter than usual. There was one main reason for that. Thanks to his overactive imagination, he’d managed to get himself hard. Now most respectable people would at least attempt to hide the awkwardness. But Billy being Billy, whilst fisting his rapidly hardening erection had often glanced across at James, as if inviting him to look, which he never did. However in case he did, Billy would always try and make sure it was clear to see how big he actually was because of Jamie.

Sadly for Billy, James never actually looked, but Billy was damn sure he knew what he was doing. Once the dull lecture was over, the usual horny cockiness sprang in. He went in for the kill when the exercise book came out and the class went to “work”.
“You saw what I was doing just then?”
“What?”
“Come on Jamie, you saw didn’t you?”
“It’s James, and no I didn’t”
“Sure you didn’t! You just don’t want anyone to hear!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Billy, leave James alone and get on!” Miss Pollock intervened. Thankfully for James, Billy stayed quiet for quite some time afterwards. Unfortunately for Billy, the trouser crisis got worse. James had an extremely sexy voice in his opinion, the sort that oozed charm and order. It also didn’t help how James’ uniform looked a size too small; either that or the boy was incredibly fit!

Billy never did any work in English; he was too busy staring and stroking! It soon became clear that James was a smart guy too, as he followed Billy to every one of his other top set lessons. In Maths, Billy got his big break though as he was sitting right at the back with no one around him. With a clear view of James from his seat, he ended the lesson with a huge puddle of sperm on his waist. This wasn’t uncommon for him; he’d done it before, but not with such a big load.

Lunch followed and that’s when he decided to confront his closest friend. Brett wasn’t as fortunate as Billy, his parents were only just older than him and his sister ended up getting pregnant with his brother. Brett wasn’t anywhere near Billy both physically and mentally. Bottom sets and man boobs pretty much sums him up. Once he’d come back from his daily smoke Billy decided to ask his opinion. Oh and I’ll try and make the conversations sound normal rather than all the trash they talk normally…
“Brett…”
“Billy! You’ll never guess what I’ve just done!”
“Smoked crack again?”
“Nah, you know that Miss Craig in Science?”
“Yeah”
“I’ve just fucked her up against the science wall!”
“Really?” Billy tried to sound at least vaguely surprised, but this always happened with Brett.
“She’s such a sweet fuck! She just grabbed hold of my pecker and I rammed it right up her soggy cunt! She fucks like a French whore!”
“Yes anyway…”
“Oh we should have double-fucked her! You’d have loved to hear that bitch scream!”
“Brett! I don’t care!”
“Well, look who’s changed their tone since Thursday!”
“That was just the once, and you didn’t exactly let me choose”
“She preferred my dick anyway”
“Look Brett, I need to tell you something!”
“What?”
“What do you think to that new kid over there?”
“What, James? He’s a prick, look at him. Posh snob just thinks he can snatch our girls from us! Look at him the dirty charmer! All the girls are just going to go for him now! Why?”
“Well it’s just…I sort of…”
“Oh I get you; you want to beat the kid up!”
“No…”
“Frame him?”
“No”
“Well if you’re talking murder Billy…”
“God dammit Brett I fancy him!” There, he’d said it. Now he’d just have to deal with the abuse for it…
“You what?”
“There I said it!”
“Oh…” Was that it? Surely not…
“So you’re cool with it?”
“Well I had wondered…”
“Really?”
“Well, look Billy if you want me to be honest, I think he’s way out of your league! He’s not going to go for a guy like you, even if he does go for a guy!”
“Gee, thanks”
“Well I mean he’s smart, good looking…”
“And I’m not?”
“Well…”
“Whatever Brett. Thanks for your help. At least you know”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to tell him”
“What? You can’t! He’ll end up killing you!”
“So much for Mr. Macho from earlier!”
“But really, he plays rugby he’s murder you!”
“Whatever!”
“Billy, no!”

Now Billy was in a horny bad mood. He didn’t need the likes of short fat Brett who just fucked people whenever he liked. He now badly wanted James. He walked (in that strange limping sort of way) over to where Jamie was being interrogated by some girls. Billy had to admit Jamie didn’t look too comfortable, either because of the questions or because of the hideous girls. Billy didn’t bother not making an entrance.
“Get lost bitches, he doesn’t want your pug-faces this close!” Did he just hear a laugh? The girls went off rather annoyed as Billy; he never was the popular one with the girls.
“Erm, thanks for that”
“No problem, they didn’t piss you off too much did they?”
“One offered a blowjob, which was about it”
“Ah get used to it, they're all slags around here!” Another laugh; and his laughs were sexy too! “So what do you make of it then?”
“The school? Well…”
“Yeah its shit isn’t it?”
“Well I would say that, what with me going to a private school and all!”
“Ooh, get you!”
“I can’t help it, parents were rich, then they blew it all and I got sent here”
“Yeah, must be crap that” Billy ran out of conversation when he noticed Brett over in the distance talking to another one of his friends, and a fit one at that. Anger started to mound up inside him until James’ soothing voice came back.
“So when we were in English…what were you on about?”
“Oh that, I was just touching myself up over you” He didn’t even think about what he said
“What?”
“Shit…Ok yeah I think you’re really fit and I know you’re not going to go for a guy like me because I’m not as pretty as you and stuff so spare me the shit”
They both sat there for a moment each of them thinking about what Billy had just said. Billy felt a twinge of guilt when James asked:
“What have you got next?”
“Erm… Geography”
“Right, I’d best be off”
“Where are you going?” Billy never got an answer as the stud got up to leave. He couldn’t believe he blew it. It hurt to lose, and Billy had never lost a chance with a boy before. He moped off to his next lesson, hoping he’d never have to speak to James again.

He couldn’t get James out of his head. Ever since he’d met the guy, he’d always been horrendously turned on. He felt wretched all the way through; this was the first time in his life he’d known how it felt to lose. He was always the dominant one; he always got what he wanted; now he’d lost what he really wanted. Never mind, he could probably find another guy to fuck.

Once again, there was a stupidly boring lecture in his lesson, which meant that his mind soon started to wander. He daydreamed about Jamie. He daydreamed about how his wet lips would feel on his own, around his cock and against his ass. He daydreamed about his gorgeous body rubbing against his own and he daydreamed about rolling his fat cock in his hands. Sure enough, he was hard again, and he had to ask to go to the toilet to relieve himself. He planned to take as long as possible so he wouldn’t have to feel depressed in a dreary Geography lecture.

The boy’s toilets were probably hell on Earth. Graffiti, cracked walls and plumbing, broken taps the lot. But to Billy this was the place he spent most of his time, jerking or sucking off the latest boy to turn him on. The one thing he loved about this place though was the smell, the strong smell of sperm. It was always the place where students came for sex, regardless of gender. If Billy was lucky some would walk in on him while he was jerking himself off. If he was really lucky they’d be two boys. If he was the luckiest he’d ever be, they’d let him join in.

The smell greeted him and he felt his cock lurch. It was good to be home! But when looked round the corner, horror filled up in him. It was James. Purely by chance the rugby jock had come to the toilet at the same time. He hid himself round the corner, hopefully before James saw him. How the fuck could he get away from him now? He was stuck. No, hang on; he was the feisty one, if there was someone like James in here he’d fuck them till they screamed for mercy! What was wrong with him! Just go and get his pants down already!

Billy barely took one step round the corner before he found himself flying into the cubicle behind him. Completely in shock, he realised James had thrown him! He tried to get back up again when James threw him back down again. Completely in awe at his strength Billy didn’t bother getting up again. It felt weird; he was under James’ control now.

James threw the door behind him shut. He wrenched Billy onto the toilet seat and thrust his crotch in his face.
“Suck me now you feisty bitch!” He never expected that from his voice.
“Holy fuck…” Billy gasped when he’d already got the zipper undone. He thought he was big until he saw James. In all the 5 years he’d been sucking cock, he’d never had one this big. “Oh yeah, you’re such a big boy aren’t you?”
“You fucking bet I am, now suck my prick till I cum in your hot fucking face!”
“Oh shit yes…” He started at such a fast pace, James felt like he was going to cum too soon.
“That’s it Billy, you suck my dick like the slutty fucker you are!” His smooth groans just made Billy go even faster. James’ head got bigger and bigger in Billy’s mouth until he couldn’t contain his own organ anymore. He pulled down his joggers to reveal a monster of a shaft
“Holy shit Billy, you’re huge! That’s gotta be 10 inches or more!”
“You wanted to see this in English didn’t you, you cock loving slut! You wanna see me stroke this bitch?”
“No I want to see you suck me like a whore! Get your mouth back here!” And with that he pulled Billy’s gaping mouth back over his huge member.

Billy was starting to feel strange; he was being commanded about, when he really wanted to get his teeth into James. He hated feeling weak and submissive, and he really didn’t expect James’ to turn like this. Although he had to admit he did have one hell of a tasty cock! With each suck he went further down the long rod; he didn’t think he’d do it but he ended up ramming it all in and buried his nose in James’ hair. That was when he let loose the biggest load Billy had ever taken, and it went right down his throat.
“Fuck your mouth is hot! Swallow my cum quick boy, I hope your ass is as tight as your mouth!”
Now Billy really couldn’t believe it. He’d barely caught his breath from the hot blowjob he’d just given when James threw him violently against the door behind him. James then rubbed his ass with his hands, paying close attention to the entrance, fingering it lightly
“Oh yeah, you’ve got a tight asshole there, I’m going to love fucking you! You like this huh? You want me to fuck you so bad, don’t you?” Pushing his soggy member right into Billy’s crevasse, he shrieked with delight. He wasn’t the only one; Billy had experienced many cocks up his ass, but none as joyous as this one. He still couldn’t quite believe he was being treated like a dirty slut by the upper-class rugby stud.

And James’ had one hell of a pace! The moment he squeezed all 10 inches right into Billy, he hadn’t stopped pounding relentlessly. His hip muscles must have been something to be jealous of. And then there was his stamina! Billy was actually worried the bell might go if he kept going like this! It was the greatest feeling ever, being fucked to ecstasy by the hunk’s 10 inches. He squeezed his ass muscles tightly to extract the best of the cock juices, but James just fucked harder! And harder still! Oh how Billy wished that it was in fact James who sucked him off, his mouth must have been heavenly!

He wondered how long it would be before the fiery jock came inside him. He’d tried everything to get the young slut to cum, squeezing him, back-fucking him, even a bit of filthy wording didn’t do the trick! Strangely it was his imagination that did the trick. Billy just started to think what it would be like to ram his own fat prick up James’ hole and feel him spasm out of control to try and grip onto him. At that exact point, a huge torrent of hot stickiness flooded up him, which triggered his own huge release. They both fell into a huge fit of screaming trying to catch their breath.

After a long time recovering from orgasm, Billy got up to leave, picking up his formerly black joggers.
“You think I’m done yet? Get back here you filthy whore!” James was still sitting on the toilet seat and was gently stroking his fat cock. “Lick me clean, you know you love the taste of my spunk!”
“No! You listen to me James, it’s my turn. You’re going to come back here tomorrow at the same time and I’m going to fuck you until you scream for me to suck you off again!”
“You really are a filthy dirty slut aren’t you?”
“You bet your ass I am!”
“I fucking love you, I’m going to fuck your hot ass every fucking day you cock-loving bitch!”
“Get your fat dick here now!”
And they kissed, hard, very hard. Both of them hated being ordered around, and both of them loved to fuck the other like hell. Who would win? Well I’d best save that for another day!

And the moral of the story? Erm… Don’t trust everything you see? Yeah that sort of sounds alright… Because you never know, the quiet one might actually be the dirty one!

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The Splash

It wasn’t very often I went to the swimming pool, so I decided to take my first visit in a while with a pinch of salt. Having recently discovered I was gay, I knew just being around sopping wet topless men wouldn’t do me any favours in public. Of course I wasn’t planning to pull; I was here to get some decent laps in around the pool.

That’s what I thought before I got there.

Little did I know that our town was full of such hot guys! Everywhere I looked there were toned chests, erect nipples and bulges in shorts. I felt like I had stepped into heaven. I couldn’t wait to join them all!

Now I’m no stud, sure I work out regularly, but I’m not a massively muscled jock like the rest of them here. So at first I did feel a tad uncomfortable when I found myself sharing pools with at least 10 well tanned and muscled studs. Once I slipped into the water, I tried to just focus on my swimming and tried not to get a hard-on by looking around.

That lasted right up to about the 4th length, where a new lifeguard just appeared from nowhere. And my God was he hot! I deliberately took a pause for breath just to look at the guy!

Well he was a lifeguard, which is always a good start. But he had broad shoulders and an ass that looked so good in those black shorts of his. And when he put his hands in his pockets… He wasn’t the usual tall handsome man like the rest of the blokes here, which is what made him stand out even more! Probably over 5 foot, but his height just compressed his muscles more to me! I couldn’t wait to see his short black hair get in here and get wet with me!

Whoa, easy tiger. You’ll have people noticing shortly! It’s not like it’s even worth bothering. He’s obviously too good for you, hell he’s probably even straight! And you’ve only been out 2 weeks! Come on get a grip!

Now swimming for those of you who don’t know is incredibly hard when you’ve got the single fittest lifeguard on the planet in the same room as you and you’re nursing a semi. I barely managed the next length as I was constantly checking the lifeguard out. The next length my imagination got the better of me and I was rock solid.

As I was catching my breath against the wall, I realised that there was no point carrying on unless I somehow managed to get rid of my erection; even if it did mean Mr Hunky-Lifeguard-Dude getting naked in the pool with me. And it was then when I got my rather evil idea!

I waited until he took a glance over at me. Whether or not it was because he was interested I’ll never know. After about a minute he did. That was my cue. One huge breath, then I went right under the water. It took a while for me to get to the required 2 meter depth; now for the waiting game.

I knew I was pretty good at holding my breath. I did once swim 2 lengths underwater! But it was hard making it look I may have had an accident. And I still had the other not so little problem…

Surely he would have noticed by now…

Oh for God’s sake hurry up!

Finally! A huge mass of bubbles caught my eye to the left. Sure enough the fit blonde lifeguard has come to my rescue. He had done the most amazing dive I’ve ever seen and was now fighting the water to come and get me from my fake peril! He amazingly managed to pull my entire body through 2 metres of water and onto the ledge of the pool. Surprisingly when we broke free, no one was paying attention at all.

“Oh…thanks!” I panted once I was on dry land. It was good to feel air in my lungs again
“Don’t mention it” he replied. Damn his voice was deep, how much older than me was he? “Now what’s wrong with you?”
“Erm…” I didn’t quite think this through… “Stomach cramp” I feigned slight pain.
“Ah, that’s a real killer!” he said. “Anyone with you tonight?”
“No, just me”
“Ah well I’d recommend you… Christ, you’re hard!” I really hadn’t expected him to blurt out, or notice to be honest. But then I wouldn’t be surprised with my wet shorts clinging quite tightly to me now.
“Yes I am!” Well there’s no point hiding it! My cockiness (excuse the pun) went down well.
“Well in that case, I’m sure I could allow you to stay behind after closing time and I’m sure I could, sort you out!” I couldn’t believe that such an amazing lifeguard would be gay! What luck!
“Yeah, I’d like that!” I seriously couldn’t wait! I couldn’t believe my luck either!

So he went back to his duty as if nothing happened! Even better, he took his dripping wet shirt off! Whether he did that just to tease me or not… But he certainly did look impressive under there. He definitely looked like he too was looking forward to closing time. He made every attempt to look sexy whenever he knew I was looking, you know poking out his chest, leaning against things, hands in pockets, usual crap really. If it weren’t for him I swear I would have got in 5 more lengths!

The time came for the pool to be emptied. I didn’t know what to do. I’d stick out like a sore thumb with everyone leaving without me. But somehow he managed to talk the other lifeguards into leaving without asking. I hate to think what he said. Once the two of us were alone, he performed another one of his splash-less dives into the water. It was quite thrilling waiting for him to surface; the tantalising wait of seeing where and when he came up really got to me. Once he did surface, I got a pleasant surprise in the form of a twang at my cock and a playful push against the wall.

“Now, where were we?” he grinned at me. Once again he was absolutely sopping wet. And I took the open question as an opportunity to finally taste his luscious pink lips. Not even the taste of chlorine could ruin this experience! He was such an amazing kisser, I think I had started contributing to the amount of liquid in the pool! His lips were so smooth and he was so temptingly gentle with every lick. I only wish I could have matched his tenderness myself. I could only spiral out of control with his strength leading me astray. I got too distracted by his lips to notice what he did next.

My shorts for some reason ended up flying out of the water and landing with a crash on the floor behind me. I realised with a shock that I was now completely naked in front of a lifeguard… He evilly grinned at me and asked:
“Now what are you going to do?” He then pushed harder against me as he wanted to feel me press against him. The pressure he gave drove me wild and I tried to hold back a huge groan, to no avail. He then took this as an invitation to start kissing again, which I didn’t complain at, but I had got that feeling I was about to explode at how amazingly hot this guy was!

He suddenly stopped after a while and said “Go get your shorts then!” To be honest I felt a tad embarrassed at showing him anything as I’d no doubt be too small to please his lusts. So I refused. But he wasn’t taking no for an answer and with another sinister grin disappeared under the water. Once again, the sense of mystery grew on me and inadequacy as he was no doubt looking. But I soon learned he wasn’t just looking…

At first air bubbles erupted from around my crotch, then a gloriously tight pressure was applied at the head… He was sucking me off, underwater! It felt so…wet… Well it would… I’d never been sucked off before and it was double what I thought it would feel like. I thought his amazing lips were good at kissing, they were even better at sucking! With his lungs starved off air, the suction he gave was unbelievable!

I was starting to wonder how long he could possibly last under there. After well over 2 minutes he came up when I was least expecting it. And with it, he pushed me onto the side, revealing everything to him. Sopping wet and gasping desperately for air he managed to make out the words “You…taste…fucking good!” The compliment didn’t go down too well as I still felt feebly scrawny compared to his amazing build. He didn’t seem to notice how unimpressively built I was, he still liked me. He genuinely liked me!

My turn for an evil idea:
“Where are you going?”
“Come and see!” I said, picking up my shorts and walking enticingly towards the changing cubicles. Instantly, the lifeguard (whose name I still didn’t know) jumped out of the pool and was no less that 2 steps behind me all the way. I grinned to myself as to how much this guy actually seemed to want me. To my relief all the cubicles were empty, how had the leisure centre been so conveniently empty? Desperate to tease the lifeguard again, I chose the nearest one and waited.

Literally a second passed before I was slammed into the back of the cubicle in a passionate kiss. He playfully thrusted at my now hyperactive crotch as he did so; and I went desperately for his soaked shirt. It stuck to him like glue and I just couldn’t get it off while we were kissing. He realised my struggle and helped me to reveal his stunning torso. Rock hard abs dotted with dark hair and pecs bigger than my ass! He laughed at my dumbfounded face and moved my shaky hands to touch them. I gasped at how amazing they felt, yet I couldn’t help but feel a twang of jealousy. I couldn’t keep my eyes or hands off them. But he moved them further down, beyond the waistline of his shorts. Now it was his turn to gasp as I took a firm grasp of a huge shaft that never seemed to end. If it weren’t for the pool water, this thing would probably have been completely soaked in goo. Mine was, and getting wetter with every stroke of his cock. It must have been well over my feeble 8 inches…

Sadly I never got to have a look, as he swiftly threw himself round onto the bench behind me and gasped simply: “Fuck me!”
“What? You with the foot-long and you’re the one who wants to get fucked?”
“Yes, fuck me now!”
It had to be said, his ass did look very tempting poking up at me. And I’d probably never get the chance to screw such an amazing jock again. So I peeled down his cold shorts to reveal his hot perfect ass. It was so hot, I didn’t even give him any warning sign I was entering. Besides the big stud could take it surely?

I went all the way in, in one huge ram. He groaned with delight, and so did I. Like I said, his ass was perfect, everything about it was perfect. It was tight to fuck and perfectly round to spank. I went straight in at a pounding speed, this lifeguard was just making me so god damn horny! He didn’t help by making the most beautiful sound in the world, a hunk heading for an orgasm. In response, I grabbed his hips and fucked him at a speed I never knew I could achieve.

Surprisingly, he let go first, screeching in delight as he soaked the bench in a huge splash of hot white. I thought such a hot fucker would never have come before a virgin like me! His orgasm triggered mine, as I felt the walls of his entrance wrap around me. The new pressure squeezed me into a huge climax, shooting my load right into him. He’d be full of me for weeks!

We were both lost for words and just staring into each other as I disembarked. We just gasped at what we’d just experienced, panting for breath, and for more. But a shriek from the doors ruined the post-ecstatic moment.
“Damien! Get out here; we need someone to run the gym!”
I laughed “Lucky you!”
He just laughed and picked up his shirt and went off. No doubt I’d be coming here a lot more in the future!